Beardyman On The BBC's Comedy Proms

Tonight's Comedy Proms on BBC2 was very enjoyable. Tim Minchin was brilliant, as always. But I was pleased to see Beardyman, an act I've not seen since stumbling across this excellent YouTube clip...

Beardyman with Nathan "Flukebox" Lee...



It's worth a watch all the way through. There's some great moments later on in the clip.

Double D or Double F - The Main Question Being Asked Tonight About Libya

As the hunt for Colonel Muammar Muhammad al-Gaddafi continues a debate rages... how do you actually spell the bastard's name?

Delusional and mentally unstable. Ghadaffi went the same
way shortly after this picture was taken

Gaddafi himself has been unavailable to comment. The spelling of foreign names is, of course, a matter of personal taste for us British. Captain Mumma Gadaffi may have a birth certificate or whatever, but the actual spelling is not universally agreed upon.

Private Ghadaffi first entered the lime light, aged 12, after killing his father's boss and installing Pappa Ghaddafi as CEO of the oil firm in which he had previously been a security guard. It was soon renamed to Quadaffi and Son's Oil Corp. It wasn't long before poor old Pappa Qaddafi met with a sticky end after he refused to let Mohammar run the show. The rest, as they say, is his story.

But one thing's for sure, Kadafi's cruel rein over Libya is over. Let's just hope whoever replaces him has a less ambiguously spelt name.

David Starkey Condemns Black Comedy

David Starkey yesterday

Following his outburst on Newsnight last week, David Starkey, the flamboyant and not at all racist historian, has turned his sights on comedy culture in an attempt to further explain what makes young people destroy and steal when there's no sign of police enforcing the law or any authority in their lives.

"Some people simplistically blame the lack of a robust police response early on during the riots, or the complete lack of authority and discipline in many young people's lives nowadays". Explains the camp past events expert.

CCTV Footage From Last Week's "Events"

"As Ed Miliband says, it's far more complicated than that. But even someone as insightful and clear nosed as Ed hasn't got it completely right. As I explained on Newsnight, some elements of black culture are part of the problem, especially the adoption of Jamaican Patois by whites. It is no coincidence that the popularity of the children's television programme, Rastamouse peeked just before the riots occurred. In my opinion, that mouse has made a bad ting worse". The grey haired lover of the olden days' attempt at a Jamaican accent with Rastamouse's catch phrase was surprisingly good.

Makin' a bad ting worse

"But further to my original analysis, I now see that there are other colour based influences on youth culture and the decline in moral standards. The main one being black humour. The general cynicism plus lack of respect for death that it engenders undermines respect for societies norms and common decently. Just as saying 'init' instead of 'is it not' does", enthused the man of the eld.

But, I ask, is there any hue of humour that doesn't worsen delinquency in our weak minded young people?

"Blue humour." Answers the diminutive chronicler of yore.

"You can't imagine the likes of Roy "Chubby" Brown, Bernard Manning or Jim "Chalky" Davidson causing social unrest, can you?"

F*ck Cameroon!

Guest post from @j0n0p...

Lots of you will have seen this brave woman’s speech before, but I wanted to share it because I’ve just noticed that someone has sprayed graffiti on the wall behind her with the words FUCK CAMEROON, which, you know, seems a bit harsh. I wonder what the football-loving residents of that particular West African country have done to upset the twat that sprayed the message?! I imagine they're jolly offended.

Of course I'm being silly. I'm 99% certain that the sprayer simply cannot spell the name of our mighty PM, but whether he* has a problem with spelling or West African countries (or both), I think it pretty much sums up his level of intelligence.

* i am certain it was a HE that did it, as he has also added the phrase SUCK MY DICK. I cannot complain about the spelling here - he shows promise - though adding PLEASE would be a bit more polite. He would also appear not to have left a phone number or indeed any kind of contact information, which will make it very difficult for the PM (or the residents of Cameroon) to track him down and provide the oral pleasure he so desires. Wanker.

Top Gear Riot

Evidence emerged today, in The Times, that Jeremy Clarkson may have been involved in this week's rioting...

Labour's Riots Blame Game Tactic Turns Toxic

Ed Miliband has recently proven he is more wily than he's been given credit for in the past.

His opportunistic harrying of Cameron over Hackgate was politically very effective. He correctly assessed the mood of the public and demanded decisions and action faster than a Prime Minister burdened with actual responsibility could deliver. It made him look like he was leading the debate. He was lucky that the media (most of which backed Labour's politically motivated anti-Murdoch agenda but for commercial reasons) mostly glossed over Miliband's hypocrisy and inconsistency on the subject. He emerged from the Hackgate scandal in a stronger position as Labour leader. It now looks likely he'll not be replaced anytime soon.

But Miliband couldn't play the same game when the riots broke out. There's no doubt he'd loved to have gone with the "PM's on holiday in Tuscany and is out of touch with the suffering of the nation" line but, sadly for him, he was also on holiday. So that line was somewhat muted.

Instead, when he and Harriet Harman returned from holiday early, they decided on a strategy to blame the Tories for the rioting and looting that had, by now, spread around London and into other English cities. But wily Miliband has been careful to leave the explicit statement of this line to his lieutenants. Harman's brazen outburst on Newsnight on Tuesday was the clearest example if it, closely flowed by Diane "private school is ok for my kids but not yours" Abbott, last night.

Miliband was right to test the water via his underlings first. It's gone down like a lead balloon with the public, who want to see a strong and robust response to the criminals who have been perpetrating the vandalism and theft, not weak excuses made for party political gain. The whole tactic is turning toxic for Labour exposing, as it does, their preponderance to see every event as an opportunity to score party political points. That's not to say that there aren't serious political issues to discuss. But the petty accusations that we've heard (such as riots only occur under Tory governments, spending cuts (that haven't happened yet) are to blame and tuition fees (that have yet to increase)) are clearly not intended to help cast light on the real root causes of the trouble but to advance the cause of the Labour party.

Again, today, Miliband has been careful not to make petty party political points in Parliament. Let's hope he now abandons the whole tactic and insists on his troops showing a bit more sensitivity and common sense from now on.

London Riots - The Blame Game

Wow, the proliferation of excuses for the mindless violence over the past couple of nights has been impressive even by our media's standards.

So far I've read or heard the London riots being blamed on the Coalition's "cuts", the state of the British economy, too few police on the streets, the local Chief Superintendent being on holiday, David Cameron, Nick Clegg and George Osborne being on holiday, the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson being on holiday, a street festival that took place yesterday and the shooting of an alleged armed drug dealer by police.

No doubt there will be some saying all of the above are contributory factors. And some may well be, but the main omission from the list are the selfish thugs who actually committed the violence and vandalism. God forbid we should hold them accountable for their own actions. We should all be preparing to admonish ourselves just as soon as someone can conjure up a half arsed narrative explaining how the rioters can't be held responsible. How it's all down to some kind of social exclusion of democratic disenfranchisement. It's got to be down to the middle classes, and certainly the police. They keep arresting drug dealers for example. The insensitive bastards.

And of course the looting that took place must be related to financial hardship or anger at being ruled by people who didn't go to a comprehensive school. It can't be down to mindless greed and thievery.

It won't be long before it's all explained to us. Probably via The Guardian and BBC. It's at times like this I miss Hari whose social theories were as contrived as his interview quotes. But there are plenty more of his kind writing tweets and articles as we speak that will explain it all away for the poor downtrodden rioters of London.