Saturday, March 13, 2010

Look Into My Eye

Many have been left wondering what could be responsible for the reduced gap between the two main political parties in the polls.

Could it be the general low level of political awareness that means a puff piece like the Piers Morgan interview can really sway how people vote?Perhaps it's some kind of chronic short term memory problem affecting voters, leading them to forget what incredible levels of dishonesty and incompetence this government has achieved over the past 13 years? Or perhaps it's just sadomasochism on a massive scale? People actually want five more years of Gordon's mental leadership.

I can reveal that none of the above are the true reason for the bizarre polls of late. The truth is far more shocking.

Gordon Brown is hypnotising the people!!!

"Look into my eye, look into my eye, the eye, the eye, not that eye, don't look around the eye, look into my eye.... And you're under!"

It's only affecting the weak willed, it's a bit like the force from Star Wars in that respect: "These are not the droids you are looking for" becomes "These are not the Union millions that are bankrolling me", etc.

Gordo's powers are strong. Faced with repeated questioning about sending troops to fight with inadequate equipment, a situation that has led to many unnecessary deaths, he merely wafts his hand at his inquisitors and mutters "forget these trifling points - what say you about the ASHCROFT??". It's proven enough of a distraction technique for the BBC this past fortnight. But then they are incredibly weak willed.

Cameron needs to deploy some Jedi mind tricks to counter these dark arts, otherwise the attack of the clones will be successful. But who will be his Yoda?

Sarkozy might look the part but he knows he's got a trained puppy in Gordon and owes him for ratifying the Lisbon treaty without the promised referendum. Another act of betrayal Brown's mesmerising eye has made many forget.

He's even managed to convince an author not to publish another book that could expose his fragile mental state, even though she was hand picked to write a biography because of a sycophantic piece she wrote on him a while back. The book is likely to be very positive about the great Gordmezmo but they fear too many of the Rawnsley allegations will be given credence by some of the anecdotes in the new book.

Perhaps Cameron can use his appearance on Trevor McDonald's programme on Sunday to deploy some of his Jedi powers over a broad audience? "Don't vote for me and another 5 years of Gordon you will have."

Hmmm - may the force be with him, I think he's going to need it!


Thanks to Tory Landlord, my attention has been drawn to an early attempt by Gordon to use his, then fledgling, hypnotic powers to convince David Dimbleby and the nation that Labour had won an election it had, in fact lost...

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