After hearing Jeremy Corbyn's
responses to recent major incidents, including the two horrible terrorist
attacks during the election and the terrible Grenfell tower inferno this week,
I wondered how he'd respond to agony aunt style pleas for sensitive, honest,
non-self-serving advice and guidance...
Dear
Jeremy,
I
fear my wife is having an affair. I've been told by a mutual friend that she's
seeing a fireman from my local fire station that she met on a girls night out
last year, but I've no definite evidence she is.
What
can I do to find out if she is cheating and rebuild our relationship if she is?
Yours,
Barry, Yeovil.
Dear
Barry,
Trust
is such an important part of any relationship. It's clear to me that your trust
in your wife has been damaged by your friend's revelation. If you ask your wife
directly about her potential infidelity you will expose your lack of trust in
her. However, if you ignore it, the doubt will naw away at your feelings for
her and may destroy your marriage for good.
What
is clear, however, is that firefighters have suffered years of cuts and pay
restraint at the hands of this Tory government. Is it any wonder that they seek
solace for the years of intolerable abuse in the bosom of other men's wives? I
note that at no point in your letter to me did you mention austerity and how
that may have had a bearing on your situation. I suspect you may not have voted
Labour. Have you ever thought that it might be your vote that caused your
marital difficulties?
Until
you accept that it is Theresa May and her Tory party that is to blame for your
wife's suspected infidelity, you can never begin to rebuild your
marriage.
Yours
in solidarity,
JC
---------------------------------
Dear
Jeremy,
I've
always enjoyed a very active sex life. However, after turning 50, I've
experienced erectile dysfunction a couple of times in the last few months. I am
worried this may occur more often as I age, leaving me incapable of enjoying
this important side of my life, or being able to satisfy my wife and various
mistresses needs in bed.
Is
there any advice you can provide to reassure me as I am sure the stress of
worrying about it is making matters worse.
Yours,
Philip,
Somerset
Dear
Philip,
We
all age (I'm 68 years old, although able to achieve full sexual engorgement at
any time I put my mind to it) and as part of that ageing process we find that
our bodies let us down from time to time. What is important to remember is that
even if things get worse there are medications available that can help put lead
back in your pencil.
But,
you say you've only experienced a couple of incidents of erectile dysfunction
in the past few months. This may be due to stress more than any ageing of your
body.
Perhaps
you're a public sector worker forced to have your final salary pension
downgraded? Or an unskilled worker who is working on a zero hours contract, or
perhaps you are disabled and not working and you face the humiliation of being
assessed to confirm whether or not you can work? The chances are, it's the
Tories who are causing you to lose wood.
Theresa
May doesn't give your erection a second thought when she's plotting the next
unnecessary and heartless cuts to the public sector. She would laugh at your
impotence, point and probably flick your limp noodle before making love to her
gym instructor in front of you. That's Tories for you.
Have
you never wondered why it's only since Theresa May became Prime Minister that
you have had this issue?
It's
only me and my Labour Party that will stop austerity and spend much more on
public sector workers; it's only me and my Labour Party that will scrap zero
hours contracts and provide everyone with a highly paid, secure full time jobs
whether they want them or not; it's only me and my Labour Party who will ensure
anyone who wants benefits will get them and get much more money than before;
it's only me and my Labour Party that will stop gym instructors having sex with
our wives.
You
know what to do at the next election if you want to get an erection (note to
Seamus: could this be a new sound bite at the next GE?).
Yours
in solidarity,
JC.
---------------------------------
Dear
Jeremy,
Since
losing my wife after a short and unexpected illness last year I've struggled to
cope with life and feel lonely and increasingly hopeless.
Is
there any advice you can give that can lift my spirits?
Yours,
Bill,
78, Manchester.
Dear
Bill,
Firstly,
let me send you my condolences and great sympathy for your loss. Adjusting to
life after losing your life partner is such a huge challenge but one many of us
have to, sadly, face in our later lives. It's important you know that you are
not alone and there are many other bereaved widows and widowers (or Wids if
they are non-binary) facing the same challenges as you. I advise reaching out
to friends and family as well as looking for companionship with others of your
age who may be going through a similar journey. You can then begin to rebuild
social networks that you may not currently have for support and continue the
grieving process but with more companionship of others who understand what
you're going through.
You
mention that your wife died after a short and unexpected illness. It must have
been a terrible shock. Was she being treated at one of our
(Labour's) NHS hospitals? Everyone who works there is an angel, of course. But
the chances are she'd still be alive today if it wasn't for Tory cuts and
austerity. Yes, they tell you they've increased spending on
our (Labour's) NHS but the facts are that
our (Labour's) NHS needs far more money than whatever they
have spent. Probably six or ten times more. Whatever, it's a lot and I'll spend
it.
It's
only Labour that can be trusted with our (Labour's) NHS. I
only wish you were still enjoying the companionship of your good lady wife. But
the Tories and Theresa May had other ideas.
I
hope you find companionship and happiness in the coming years and that I become
Prime Minister before all your new friends and potentially a new partner are
killed by Theresa May's assault on our (Labour's) NHS.
Yours
in solidarity,
JC.
