Thursday, June 9, 2011

Rowan Williams Slams "Undemocratic" Coalition

Williams: "You're unpopular because you don't believe in my God,
you know that don't you?"

Dr Rowan Williams today slammed the coalition government for having no democratic mandate. The God Doc (as he likes to be known) was elected as Archbishop of Canterbury (although not Westminster as he sometimes thinks) by an overwhelming majority of deities (well one, there is only one - and it's his one, not one of the other ridiculous fantasy ones) and his son, who has 3 votes of course. "Just like with the Labour Party leadership elections", he explains. He used his infallible democratic credentials to highlight how the coalition barely received over 50% of the vote at the last election. Not like his 100% of God's and Jesus' votes. And with this pathetic number of votes they have the audacity to attempt to implement reforms. Even after the recent increase in the rate of sacrificial u-turns, the Archbish (as he likes to be known) said he wanted more laid on the alter of his all seeing, all knowing, public sector loving God.

Accident At Work?
God, said Doctor No (as he likes to be known in reference to any policy that isn't left wing), is a good God. A God who likes to see spending far outstrip the income of the government. So much so He has bankrupted heaven 1000 times. He even had to send His Son down once so He could make an "accident at work" claim. He made millions after He proved there were ample signs his Son would come to harm that were ignored by the Jewish and Roman authorities of the day. That money is now gone and there's talk of a rapture happening that would enable God to take possession of all the non-believers stuff and flog it on G-Bay - God's heavenly online auction site.

David Cameron responded politely saying that the Archbishop had every right to his opinions, even if they are the opinions of an out of touch leftist, expressed congruously in the New Statesman.

Ken Clarke was less diplomatic. When the a journalist suggested the one and only God that is real (and better than the other Gods, who are just made up) backs Dr Williams, Clarke blurted "But God is not God - there are lots of different Gods, some more serious than others". He was forced to apologise and drop a couple more reform ideas as penance.

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