Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Monday, November 10, 2014

Russell Brand Doesn't Get Why People Are Laughing At Him


Russell Brand has responded to the Parklife ribbing he's been receiving on social media. In his version of Parklife by Blur, he lets us know that...

...words used efficiently can be a dangerous tool that slices through propaganda like a SHARP KNIFE.

He has an interesting take on what it means to use words efficiently. In fact, he doesn't seem to have understood the whole thrust of the Parklife ridicule. It's aimed at his overly elaborate, pretentious use of language. 

My version of Parklife would go something like this...

Over-confidence is the pretence of the habitual pseudo-intellectual that is known as 

RUSSELL BRAND! 

And mourning language comprehension can be avoided if you take a route completely avoiding 

RUSSELL BRAND!

John’s got brewers droop he gets intimidated by the prattling verbosity 

 RUSSELL BRAND!

But his fans love a bit of it 

 RUSSELL BRAND!

Who’s that Beverly Hills millionaire marching? You should cut down on your self-righteousness mate… Get some integrity! 

[CHORUS]
ALL THE PEOPLE 
SO MANY PEOPLE 
THEY SHOULD ALL GO HAND IN HAND 
HAND IN HAND TO THEIR LOCAL WATERSTONES

Know what I mean? [Um, no?!] 

I get up when I want except on Wednesdays when I get rudely awakened by my book publisher 

RUSSELL BRAND!

I put my trousers on, snort some coke and I think about plugging my book 

RUSSELL BRAND! 

I feed the left wing conspiracists I sometimes appropriate the Buddhists too, it gives me a sense of enormous financial well-being 

RUSSELL BRAND! 

And then I'm happy for the rest of the day safe in the knowledge I’ll only need a tiny bit of my time devoted to it 

RUSSELL BRAND!

[CHORUS]

It's got something to do with vorsprung durch heuchelei* you know 
And it's not about my circular arguments that go round and round and round 

RUSSELL BRAND! 
RUSSELL BRAND! 

[CHORUS X2]

*I know this isn't right, but my German is limed to Google Translate. Sadly, there is no Brand to English option!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Estate Agents Have Some Catching Up To Do

All but one of the groups that top the public's love to hate league have accommodatingly behaved appallingly over the past few years.
MPs, investment bankers and now journalists have all disgraced themselves royally and confirmed themselves in the collective public mind as the greedy, grubby shits that they generally are.
But, one remaining group have not been keeping up in the race to plumb new depths of depravity or avarice, or both... estate agents. They continue to be untrustworthy, annoying prats but really need to get their act together if they are to keep up with those other bastards.
Hmm...
It'll have to be big to compete and overshadow the others. It wouldn't surprise me if the final News of the World edition on Sunday uncovers something like a massive paedophile ring at Nationwide Estate Agents or Mann & Co or somewhere. Perhaps it could be that these sick, slick haired Trevors are in cahoots with perverted tech-savvy online agents at Rightmove, using their web site as front for their disgusting picture trading. That'd put estate agency back in contention in the race for the abhorrence of the British people.

Come on estate agents! Sort it out or you'll start looking like saints compared to your abominable peers.